Thursday, 23 December 2010

THE SLEEVE OF A JEWISH MAN

 "Thus says the LORD of hosts: ‘In those days ten men from every language of the nations shall grasp the sleeve of a Jewish man, saying, "Let us go with you, for we have heard that God is with you."’"..Zechariah 8:23
It's a common thing to see the little children grasping the edges of our clothes,when they are threatened and scared of something,This they do as a way of seeking for protection from the older ones,this part of scripture says just that.
Ten men from every language of the nations shall grasp the sleeve of a Jewish man- For every Jew, there shall be ten converts from among the Gentiles. But ten may here signify a great number, without comparison. And from this scripture it appears as if the Jews, converted to God, should be the instruments of converting many Gentiles. This can be compared to what prophet Isaiah wrote about in Isaiah 3:6.
As we break up the former part of scripture,we realize that there was certainly a great accession of converts which the Jewish Church received since the coming of Christ,the number of Christian disciples which the Jewish preachers made, and the future conversions were so great re-affirming what was written of old.
Ten-This is often a number that means ‘complete’ in the Bible. Examples are in Genesis 31:7; Leviticus 26:26; Judges 17:10; Ruth 4:2; 1 Samuel 1:8; Jeremiah 41:8. Perhaps here it is a picture of God’s ‘complete’ church.
Every language of the nations-This is what happened in Acts 2:5.
Shall grasp(hold firmly)-Exodus 4:4 uses these words, about Moses who was holding on to the snake’s tail. 1 Samuel 17:35 uses them about David who was holding on to the lion’s beard. In both passages, the men would not dare to stop holding.
The sleeve(edge of the coat)-This may link with Ruth 3:9 and Ezekiel 16:8. When they spread the edge of their clothing over them, it gave these people the security of marriage. In the New Testament, the Church is the bride of Christ, Revelation 21:2. And the name of the bride is Jerusalem!
Let us go with you-The Jews went to the temple to pray and to look for the LORD. So this probably means that people from everywhere wanted to obey the covenant. ‘
God is with you-reminds us of many Bible verses. Here are some examples: Genesis 21:22; Genesis 26:3; Exodus 3:12; Joshua 1:5.
Just as human kind should be grateful that Noah obeyed God,so should we be thankful that the earliest Jews to whom the gospel was preached to accepted the word of God and became Jesus Christ's disciples.
As we enjoy the gift of life,we should be the light of this world,that for every one christian there will be ten people who will receive Jesus Christ into their lives.

Tuesday, 14 December 2010

TWO BANK ACCOUNTS.

In real life the word bank far attracts too much attention that even a 9-year old head would turn at it's mention,banks like any other financial institution require one to register before transacting business with them
I am compelled to recall one event on a hot afternoon as i hurriedly dashed through the crowds of people on this street, i had been travelling form Burton street to Nakasero market when i bumped into these industrious Cranebank salesman urging me to open an account with their bank,simply put the requirements were passport size photographs,an endorsement letter from the local council authorities and a 4 zero sum of money,10,000 Ugandan shillings to be precise but for the bare fact that i hardly had enough to pay the taxi conductor who would offer me a lift to Nakawa,i would not give in to their persuasion.
In a nutshell opening any bank account necessitates some requirements which for an ordinary person is some what cost worthy(some people down there who earn a net income of 10,000 Ugandan shillings in a year) and that young people below the age of consent don't open accounts until they become adults(save for a few banks that operate kids accounts)
Alternatively their is an account that every living soul can open without any charges and that's the Heavenly account,all fares,charges,risks and fears are born by the CEO and that the account pays interest that is so much times the principal,it offers great insurance cover without a large premium and it's the heaven account
as of now everyone is a shareholder in this bank.

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house...." Malachi 3:10


Quite often when we owe people debt,compliments and appreciations,we should ask in our hearts "from which accounts  should i pay my debtors" and the answer should always be the store house of the lord.
One thing for sure,all those that save in this account stand  high chance of earning great,so if you are wondering how you can earn a fortune in the shortest time possible try this account,the chairman even assures you folks that you'll get your reward,you can even try HIM on that.

"Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it"

I have done it all,traversed all valleys and climbed hills in search for financial prosperity to no vain until i realized i needed to open an account with this bank,the The Great Store House Of The Lord.

Monday, 13 December 2010

ABOUT THIS TIME TOMORROW

God always provides us with an opportunity to reveal his power and glory usually at a time when our strength is waning,at a moment when our faith is down,and not only does he expect us to be obedient but expects us to do away with our unbelief,lack of it is a sin by which men greatly dishonour and displease God, and deprive themselves of the favors he designed for them.
Elisha was a man of God who prophesied to the people and was met with serious unbelief and resistance,Ben-Hadad king of Aram had earlier on mobilized his entire army and marched up and laid siege to Samaria,There was a great famine in the city; the siege lasted so long that a donkey’s head sold for eighty shekels of silver, and a quarter of a cab of seed pods for five shekels,women butchered their children for food,dove droppings or "pupu"(Imagine kaloli excretion being the best meal you'll ever have) sold like hot cake!!
The Lord quickly heard the cries of the people,and he sent a message through his prophet Elisha

 “Hear the word of the LORD. This is what the LORD says: About this time tomorrow, a seah of the finest flour will sell for a shekel and two seahs of barley for a shekel at the gate of Samaria.”

A seah of flour was probably about 12 pounds or about 5.5 kilograms of flour,the seah of barley  about 2/5 ounce or about 12 grams;a shekel would be 30cents at today's price.

At such a time as this only those few who had belief could concur with Elisha that surely the lord shall provide for his people,The godly are always assured of Gods help in their necessity, but the times and hours are only revealed by Gods Spirit,and that is exactly what happened on that day in Samaria.
The good provisions of the lord are always in great measures,with unending supply,I am always surprised with a few friends of mine who are afraid of being laid off,afraid of starting up something new or even giving to a charity or the ones in need because they think they would have lost a big sum of money,this all adds up to one thing,lack of trust in the Lord who always provides,as a matter of fact ,God,when he pleases can turn one dollar bill into a million dollars or more,any one doubting that?
I recently had picked tremendous interest in the stock markets and i realised that in a space of time that did not exceed 6 months a certain company National Media Group,that had just enlisted on the Uganda Securities Exchange was trading at 11 Ug Shs,and when i looked up at how the markets where fairing today,i realised it's now trading at 4,587 Ug Shs,a 41,600% appreciation on each stock,ceteris peribus!,that's exactly what God can do with our little resources,that not even the poorest shall consider themselves poor.
That those who are lacking shall stay calm and wait for their good shepherd to lead them in green meadows and guide them to the peaceful waters,and they shall have there feel,that even store houses and barns will be pulled down,new ones constructed to have enough space to put in those blessings.
So when the lord tells us to believe and mentions to us the words "ABOUT THIS TIME TOMORROW",all will be well,we only need to sit back and relax and wait the great master to do his will.
Lord as we constantly wonder and ponder where our help will come from,Lead us into the green pastures,refresh us always,not only with earthly food but with food for the soul,and teach us to trust you always,that even if the devil robs away from us all we have,we shall proclaim with our own mouths that the Lord is our shepherd there is nothing we shall want.

Thursday, 11 November 2010

"WHERE ARE THE OTHERS?"

A story is told in the new testament of ten leapers who when Jesus was going into a village,met him as they stood at a distance and called out loudly to him to have pity on them,they desperately implored HIM to have mercy on them,He sent them to the priests and as they went they were healed.
One of the leapers,a Samaritan went back to thank Jesus and he asked him "were not all ten cleansed? where are the other nine?

"As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy  met him.They stood at a distance  and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”
 When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.
 One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice.He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.
  Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine?" Luke 17:12-17

Leprosy also known as Hansen’s disease,is a skin infection caused by a mycobacterium. Leprosy was at one time incurable and lepers were segregated into colonies,it was considered a form of physical and spiritual pollution which requires one to be excluded from the community.
These ten lepers where forbidden to reside in their own houses,to interact with their own children or live in their own community,but on this day all that was gone,and it was time to say thanks to the Lord for what HE has done but only one of them, a foreigner came back. 
Every time we count our blessings,we often don't recognize the source of such blessing,and this explains our ungratefulness to God.
There are numerous things we have been given from the father,the gift of life,the wonderful friends we have made,the success we have achieved,the wealth we have accumulated,but we hardly can stop for a second and say thank you God.
For even the flowers that bloom in our gardens,for the tender grass that's so sweet,for the birds singing sweetly in the skies,we deserve to thank the creator.
all the people of this earth have been given gifts that are wonderful to the sight,we have been blessed with numerous qualities and virtues,we have been offered salvation and we have been saved by the blood of Jesus Christ,so shall we all rash off like the other nine lepers,or we will be like that "lowly Samaritan",who falls down on his face and thanks the LORD giving glory to God.
The spirit of thanksgiving pleases God and that if we fall at the feet of Jesus Christ and thank Him for all these things we have received from him,he will bend low to us and speak to us the same words he spoke to that healed leaper

"Rise and go; your faith has made you well." Luke 17:12-19.






Sunday, 3 October 2010

IT'S MORE THAN I BARGAINED FOR.

No sooner had i entered the chapel than when my eyes raced towards the large white screen in the front that occasionally is used to convey messages to be delivered and the songs to be sang as well as part of the scripture readings of the service,i left my gaze there for a while and what i saw was beyond a fresh wave of joy to my heart,it was a theme about one of the most under looked virtues in life,contentment and spiritual contentment to be precise.
The chaplain in his definition of contentment emphasized the desire to enjoy Christ and the things of God without being mindful of the other people or the world.and that God invites us to  give him all our heart desires and hopes and expects us to sit back and relax as we wait for HIM to do wonders for us.
 "Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."-Hebrews 13:5
 As i tried to ponder about the wonderful things the Lord has done for me with out number,i couldn't help but count myself blessed for many people would even have wished to have a fraction of the blessings i have so far received to no vain,therefore in an attempt to offer my heart felt appreciation to the Almighty God,the provider of all our needs,i remembered the zeal with which saint peter wrote while in a prison cell 
 "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances."-Philippians 4:11
I have therefore thought to myself that contentment is a virtue so dearly wanting amongst the human race,i imagined these to be one of the few things that will help me achieve contentment to it's fullest.
I have learnt to enjoy the simple things on earth,long before i had great admiration for people i could see driving around in cars,carrying state of the art gadgets and expensively appareled and i did learnt that instead of wanting to buy and acquire those expensive things,i rather enjoy cheap things i could afford,(it's said enough "a bird in the hand is worthy two in the bush")like participating in conversations  with other people,Spending time outdoors. Watching a movie or playing board games and pool,These things don’t cost much, and they are awesome.

I have taken time to appreciate my life, often times i reflect on my life, and all the good things in it, on a regular basis. I do this when i wake up in the morning,or when I'm at work, or when I'm going out to bed.

I remind my self. often times i find myself unhappy with someone,and i try so hard to change them,until i hit a dead end! i have realized that it's fundamental that you try to be happy with that person for who they are.and appreciate the good things about them,the reasons as to why i love them 

I have Counted the entire basket of blessings some days when i really get enraged and unhappy with something, or with what i have dearly lacked,i take a moment to count all the good things my life,which are innumerable and confide in the fact that more are yet to come.

Tuesday, 21 September 2010

WHAT IS THE COST OF TWO SPARROWS?

One evening i toke a stroll with the chaplains assistant,Clark http://www.jcraigclark.blogspot.com/ and as we reached a tree that had numerous birds(so small i toke them for sparrows),singing sweetly in the trees,perching on the young branches,with a fresh hope of a brighter tommorow,and alot of appreciation about a day well-lived,i couldn't wait but wonder how everytime animals and all creation gives glory to God by doing what they were created to do,that God has a brood smile across his lips when he sees the birds perching,and the ants criss-crossing on the tree trunks,the trees being humbly swayed by the wind and that the humans doing what they're are supposed to do.owing to their equisite beauty in their abode,Clark was persuaded to pull out his camera and capture those beautiful moments.
In the tenth chapter of Mathew, http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+10%3A29-31&version=NIV There are these verses that stands out in my mind with the kind of significance that would inspire hope to the hopless and faith to the doubting
"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.So don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows."
It appears to me that sparrows were the cheapest items sold in the market and that not even a single one of them would vanish without his notice,implies to me that God knows and is well aware about the financially insignificant items and possessions we own,The penny in this case refers to an earlier day assarion or a small Roman copper coin and one of them was no less that one-sixteenth of a denarious(which was less than a half hour's average wage.
Quite often when the summer had become so tense with temps! rising as high as 120 degrees Fahrenheit,it was always common scenario to find a small bird buried in the sand of the desert,having suffered a painful death of starvation or disease and even predation,and honestly if God is well informed about those dead sparrows and if He knows we humans are worth more than sparrows(birds) then there is no need to worry,not even for a second.I believe God knows every born and sinew within us intimately http://biblebrowser.com/job/10-11.htm-Job 10:11 and values us far much more than the sparrows
Well i have seen many people with really long hair that it w'd take a million times to count them and yet if God knows every single detail of it, and if HE does know about the seemingly invisible hairs on our head,then he knows our thoughts,fears,desires,likes and dislikes,strengths and weakness,hopes and anxieties as well as our dreams.

Monday, 20 September 2010

FARE THEE WELL!

In the quotes mention has been made of,about demise of dear beloved ones,i came across one that made me think about death as something less painful as i had felt or known "If tears could build a stairway and memories, a lane,I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again"
There are days that one will bookmark in their hearts and then there are others we would hurriedly bury deep down,in the hidden cabinets of our hearts not to remember again,the red letter days and the memory worth moments,Vincent one of my face book friends in response to my status message wrote of our lives being all but of two days our birthdays and death days.
Quite often the perception that prevails all over us humans about death is too hard to take in,we always consider death as life's way of telling us we are fired,yet the divine importance of death is great,it's through death of our beloved ones that we are reminded of our own death,God always uses death as a way of uniting us with him for eternity(humanity's ultimate reward) 
Death of brother Leo is something that will take moments,days and periods to heal in my heart,it's a perfect moment to give glory to God for out of his wisdom HE toke him away from us and added him to the numerous numbers of saints,angels and wonderful people singing HIS praises,
It's exactly time i remembered what the scriptures emphasize on death,Job in all his anguish and sorrow never lost hope in the Lord,nor did he quit on life(he probably w'd have taken a rope,wouldn't he?)he went ahead and praised GOD,how much more we stoop low to praise him when our wives give birth to beautiful daughters and handsome sons yet we will not honor HIM when HE takes them away from us,David in all his  despair was after the heart of the lord,so should we.
It is in the making of God,HIS
faithfulness and Nature's way and/or the general order of things pre-ordained from time immemorial that we mortal humans,die and our bodies be laid aside,then our souls  enter into real life,life eternal, a preparation for living in heaven,it's well known that man is not completely born until he is dead,and that a new child is born among the immortals,the saints,the patriarchs and the wonderful sons of God
Sometimes i think what we see as the stars are not stars, they are openings in Heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy and glad that they are with our Father in heaven.
If i knew how to mint time or how to turn back the clock hand,What would  I do with all the days and hours,all the moments and periods That must be counted,that must be contemplated  before I see you again,the fact that we Miss you gets easy and faint with each passing day because  even though it's one day further apart from the last time we saw one another, it's one day closer to the next time we will meet again in heaven.
In the plains of Africa are so many flowers that drop down,that get blown off their trees,disappointed by the surging wind,hundreds of sparrows that are left by the hotness and drought to fend for themselves,that no longer sing sweetly in the tress,there are trees that fade,that lose hope of another rainy day,trees that no longer welcome the squirrels and the peckers in their branches,and yes,now is a moment,a time that has separated me from the one i love.

I am hopefully that the good Lord blesses all who trust in HIM and rewards them with eternal life and everlasting peace,and that HE has honored those wonderful and beloved ones of ours,to be amongst the saints and angels singing and praising in heaven.
                                    "vaya bien a mi querido hermano"

 "Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart."..Kay Knudsend

Wednesday, 25 August 2010

WHO WAS CAIN'S WIFE?


It was one hot afternoon and i engaged in a religious conversation with my non-christian superior about religion,he argued Christianity and bible is a westernized form of brain washing adopted all over the world,imposed by the colonialist aimed at duping the peoples of this earth into believing what is non existent,i was doing fairly well arguing my case until when he delivered the bombshell! he asked me to get him a bible,i pulled out my pocket friendly Gideon's International bible and dared me to open the book of Genesis,but i told him it was only a New Testament,then he asked me to explain to him where Cain got his wife from yet he was the only child of Adam and Eve left after he had murdered his brother Abel,before i could open my mouth to speak,deep within me i knew i had been floored and i quit arguing with him,this prompted me to do research on this troubling subject.Who was Cain's wife?

      Then Cain went out from the presence of the LORD and dwelt in the land of Nod on the east of Eden..  And Cain knew his wife, and she conceived and bore Enoch-Genesis 4:16-17 (NKJV) 

Adam and Eve were the only humans created by God; Adam was made from the earth (Genesis 2:7), Eve came from a part of Adam (Genesis 2:21-22). Adam and Eve first had two sons, Cain and Abel (Genesis 4:1-2). Cain killed Abel (Genesis 4:8),was banished to the land east of Eden where he started a family with his wife. 

The Bible does not come out clean on who was Cain’s wife,however it is argued that Cain's wife was probably his sister or niece,(troubling here because he had no brother then). The Bible does not mention the age of Cain when he murdered Abel (Genesis 4:8). Since they cultivated and kept animals respectively, they were likely both full-grown adults, possibly with families,or defendants. 

there is no enough proof on the number of children Adam and Eve had apart from Cain and Abel after Abel's death,but they definitely had many more children later (Genesis 5:4). after Cain murdered his sibling Abel he became terrified and he was afraid he would be killed.(Genesis 4:14)this therefore indicates that there were likely many other children and perhaps even grandchildren of Adam and Eve already living at that time. Cain's wife (Genesis 4:17) was a daughter or granddaughter of Adam and Eve.


Since Adam and Eve were the first (and only) human beings, their children would have no other choice than to intermarry. God did not forbid inter-family marriage until much later when there were enough people to make intermarriage unnecessary (Leviticus 18:6-18). 


The third son of Adam and Eve,Seth was born  after Abel was murdered and Cain banished,After Seth was born, Adam lived another 800 years,bringing forth more sons and daughters. This truly shows that there was Cain, Abel, Seth, and THEN other daughters and sons. Thus the explanation that Cain's wife was his sister cannot be correct, because females did not enter the population until after Seth, and by that time, Cain was already banished.

Ideally and according to Scripture,God planted a Garden in Eden,The entire earth was a mass of land and Eden was only a portion of land,therefore that means that the rest of the earth was probably a desert and wilderness,and the Australopithecus, Homo-Erectus, Neanderthal man, and Cro-Magnon man,(these are scientific names) who roamed the wilderness outside of Eden.
These creatures it is said were very tall, broad-faced, had retreating foreheads (indicating a small brain - unlike humans today) with massive brow ridges, and their bodies were covered in very course dense hair.(read Oaks in The Lord of Rings movies)possibly Cain was fearful of these other people out there who he thought would kill him.to cement this theory you realize God marked him(CAIN) as the "first murderer?" and the question that pops up is how did Cain know they would kill him? Because this type of very violent behavior was typical throughout the species of Australopithecus, Homo-Erectus, Neanderthal man, and Cro-Magnon man.
So this is where Cain got his wife from. She was one of these very primitive "creatures" roaming the wilderness. 
I do hope i will make more and more research on this subject though it has proved to be a topic that has eluded human wisdom and understanding,many biblical scholars are still wondering how to interpret the section of this scripture.

Sunday, 18 July 2010

THE MASSES SHOULD BE SENSITIZED ON TERRORISM


The recent Kampala bombings by the al Shabab militia a Somali based armed terrorist wing that collaborates with Osama bin laden's AQAP(Al Qaida in the Arabian Peninsula),brought to Uganda's public eye a question that has for so long been ignored,the scourge of terrorism,Terrorism which has worldwide been described as both a crime and a holy duty;a tactic and strategy;more plainly a justified reaction to oppression and an inexcusable abomination,is the calculated use of unlawful violence or threat of unlawful violence to inculcate fear; intended to coerce or to intimidate governments or societies in the pursuit of goals that are generally political, religious, or ideological. The scourge of terrorism has swept over the world at such pace as never imagined,undoubtedly terrorism is here for keeps and the degree to which all countries are becoming vulnerable is scaring.
Although the nations of this earth seem to have acknowledged terrorism as an epidemic that we have potential and ability to eradicate from our mother planet,it appears little has been done to curb this disease,the world doesn't fight terrorism as a united force,only a few countries are comfortable sharing their technology,expertise and energy to fight terrorism with other nations,,the narrow interest poor countries especially from Africa and Asia find it practically impossible to keep up with the rapidly changing technology these terrorist employ,the responsiveness of government agencies is slow and the government security intelligence agencies are not adequately trained and properly equipped so as to be able to provide accurate information on impeding terrorists attacks,grants and aids are not availed to the poor countries to fight and contain this scourge,apathy or the lack of interest in and concern for this subject has created an atmosphere that can easily be manipulated by the terrorists.
Because these terrorist organizations are secretive and small sized ,the amount of publicity that government should give to this subject should be grave and all masses should be sensitized and terrorism warnings to the public be aggravated, there is a tremendous need to educate the government agencies about these acts of terrorism
Preparation for a disaster is complicated, however. Better equipment is needed to deal with such a disaster,all relevant government agencies must be involved, More funding is needed for research and development. The authorities should formulate public policy with the political resolve to take steps against foreigners who are exporting terrorism.
Every citizen would have to be vigilant in identifying the danger,from the traders in Owino to the corporates in offices,we should come forward and start participating through team policing
Active participation of the masses could help in mitigating the terrorist effects, People should be made aware of the ways of possible terrorist acts and their duty in such events be specified
Due to the significant presence of Ugandans in this bombing plot,there is a paramount need to sensitize, educate enlighten appropriately and make aware the citizens of this country to be able to to fight the menace of terrorism and shun the elements in the society who perpetrate terrorism,
Terrorism should be introduced in schools and institutions as it is very important that our next generation be aware of it
Society should come forward and start participating through team policing and network of information between people and police is very important in combating terrorism

The public should be sensitized an taught about the terrorism definition and aims of terrorists,
grounds and the areas of interests of terrorists,equipments and gadgets used by the terrorists,the appearance of terrorists in different disguises

As we condemn this acts of cowardice,barbarism and badly placed religious beliefs in the name of terrorism,we should all,young and old,rich and poor,strong and weak join hands and and fight this scourge.

For all our fallen brethren,may their souls rest in eternal peace and all those who sacrificed their efforts,energy,resources,time and prayers the lord shall reward you abundantly
                                                                
For God and my country







Friday, 9 July 2010

AND THE WINNER IS...............?

These in the scripture are the prize winners in the following categories,

DUMBEST BOYFRIEND:Samson for choosing girlfriend Delilah (JUDGES 16:4-22)

BIGGEST LIAR:Herod who claims to seek the new born king to "do him homage" (MATHEW 2:8)

MOST UNAPPETIZING DISH:Herodias and her daughter for serving a head on a platter (MARK 6:17-29)

 FATTEST MAN: Eglon king of Moab his belly swallowed a sword (JUDGES 3:12-25)

WORST FISHERMAN: Peter when he catches something it's a miracle (LUKE 5:1-10,JOHN 21:3-6)

BEST TRAVELING COMPANION: The angel Raphael who journeys with Tobias (TOBIT 5:1-22)

WORST SACRISTANS: Sons of Eli for eating the sacrifice meant for God (1 SAMUEL 2:12-17)

MOST FAMOUS ASS: This is a tie Balaam's ass or Balaam himself (1 NUMBERS 22:21-35)

MOST DANGEROUS DATE: Judith men loose their head over her (JUDITH 13:4-10)

BIGGEST MISTAKE: Ananias  and Sapphira stiff the collection plate (ACTS 5:1-10)

LOUSIEST SAILOR: Peter again whose boat is always at the verge of sinking (MATHEW 14:24,MARK 4:35-40,LUKE 8:22-26)

LONGEST DISTANCE TRAVELLER: Queen of Sheba who travelled all the way from Ethiopia to Jerusalem (1 KINGS 10:1-13)
   
GREEDIEST SERVANT: Gehazi servant of Elisha who toke 75 pounds of silver ant two sets of clothing from Naaman (2 KINGS:20-27)



Wednesday, 7 July 2010

The Jesus Film - English Language

THE OTHER LEAST HALF

John(not real names) was a jovial nonchalant family man who would go an extra mile to have his family of two kids and a wife happy all their life,he was a responsible God fearing man with strong integrity and moral characterization and  more so he believed his wife loved him so much until he caught his wife red handed with a man 'pants down'
It was the worst thing to happen to him for all his life,a look at his face could speak out even to the bystanders that a dark cloud of hate and rage had befell him,he could not pick himself up for the one he loved most had betrayed him,his love and his entire family
Today it is known that infidelity is absolutely the greatest cause of divorce and separation in this ever competitive society
Cheating is usually a symptom of an unhealthy relationship. It destroys friendships, breaks trust, and causes guilt, anger, hurt and many other negative emotions. Cheating in relationships is not going to last. People know all these facts, but still go on cheating others.
The major point about cheating in relationships is that it is accidental. Most people do not want to cheat on their associates. A known fact is that most persons who experience infidelity in their relationships are likely to experience it in future also, even when they move on to other relationships. This is pretty incredible, but true. Some people think that getting badly burned once would be sufficient. However, this is not quite the way it occurs for many people.
There are several reasons why cheating, adultery, infidelity and extra marital affairs often occur in many relationships. People are complicated and appearances can be deceptive. Cheating in relationships depends upon several factors.
One important factor is the choice of a partner or spouse. If the choice is not in line with what they require or wish, or with what their partner can give them, there is a chance of cheating.
Cheating also occurs when people fail to give their relationships priority by putting time and energy into them. Another major reason is the failure to understand the issues that led to infidelity in the first place. Many people do not want to analyze the role they played in the failure of a relationship. In most cases, they blame others for things that went wrong rather than look inward for complete understanding.
Cheating often occurs in many marital relationships.
Communication is here the most problematic issue. For a myriad of reasons, partners get little time to talk about feelings with each other, particularly negative feelings. In some relationships, partners are not allowed to share unhappiness.
Misunderstandings also make people feel that their spouse does not want to hear their problems. So they do not talk about difficulties. The lack of a sense of empowerment, issues of self esteem and unequal partnership are also significant problems in any relationship.

Friday, 2 July 2010

THE MEN WHO SUED GOD

In the US state of Nebraska, State Senator Ernie Chambers filed a suit during 2008 against God seeking an injunction, as an effort to publicize the issue of public access to the court system. The suit was dismissed due to the fact that God could not be properly notified, not having an address. The Judge stated 
"Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice". The senator believing God to be singular and all-knowing responded 
"The court itself acknowledges the existence of God. A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God's omniscience ... Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit." 
Chambers filed the lawsuit in response to another lawsuit he considers to be frivolous and inappropriate.
In response to Chambers' case two responses were filed. The first was from a Corpus Christi lawyer, Eric Perkins, who wanted to answer the question "what would God say". The second was filed in Douglas County, Nebraska District Court. The source of the second response, claiming to be from "God", is unclear as no contact information was given.
On July 30, 2008, local media sources reported the Douglas County District Court was going to deny Chambers' lawsuit because Chambers had failed to notify the defendant.However, on August 1 Chambers was granted a court date of August 5 in order to proceed with his lawsuit.
"The scheduling hearing will give me a chance to lay out the facts that would justify the granting of the motion," Chambers was quoted as saying. He added, 
"Once the court enters the injunction, that's as much as I can do," he said. "That's as much as I would ask the court. I wouldn't expect them to enforce it."
However, a judge finally did throw out the case, saying the Almighty was not properly served due to his unlisted home address. Chambers responded to the news by saying 
"the court itself acknowledges the existence of God. A consequence of that acknowledgment is a recognition of God's omniscience. Since God knows everything, God has notice of this lawsuit." 
As of November 5, 2008, Chambers filed an appeal to the Nebraska Supreme Court.The former state senator John DeCamp and E. O. Augustsson in Sweden, asked to represent God. Augustsson's letters, mentioning the Bjorn (see the BjornSocialist Republic) were stricken as "frivolous". The Appeals Court gave Chambers until February 24 to show that he notified DeCamp and Augustsson of his brief, which he did. The case was finally closed on February 25 when the Nebraska Court of Appeals dismissed the appeal and vacated the order of the district court. The court quoted cases according to which "[a] court decides real controversies and determines rights actually controverted, and does not address or dispose of abstract questions or issues that might arise in hypothetical or fictitious situation or setting".
A Romanian prisoner, identified as Pavel M, serving 20 years after being convicted of murder, filed a lawsuit against the Romanian Orthodox Church, as God's representatives in Romania, for failing to keep him from the Devil, essentially stating that his baptism had been a binding contract. The suit was dismissed because the defendant was neither an individual nor a company, and was not subject to the civil court of law's jurisdiction.

In the comedy film The Man Who Sued God, a fisherman played by Billy Connolly successfully challenges the right of insurance companies to refuse payment for a destroyed boat on the common legal exemption clause of an Act of God.(force majuere) In a suit against the world's religious institutions as God's representatives on Earth, the religious institutions have the dilemma of either having to state God does not exist to uphold the legal principle, or being held liable for damages caused by Acts of God.(force majuere)

In the "Angels And Blimps" episode of the television legal drama Ally McBeal, a boy with leukemia attempts to sue God. 

In the episode "The Nutcrackers" of the television legal drama comedy Boston Legal, a woman sues God for the death of her husband. "God in the Dock", a 1980 episode of Christian TV series Insight, featured Richard Beymer as God put on trial by humanity.

Former Auschwitz concentration camp inmate Elie Wiesel is said to have witnessed three Jewish prisoners try God in absentia for abandoning the Jewish people during the Holocaust. From this experience, Wiesel wrote the play and novel The Trial of God. It is set in a Ukrainian village during 1649 after a massacre of the Jewish inhabitants, possibly as part of the Khmelnytsky Uprising. In the play, three traveling minstrels arrive in the village, having intended to perform a play. Instead they perform a mock trial of God for allowing the massacre. The verdict is innocent, after a stirring lone defense by a stranger who, in a twist, is revealed to be the Devil.

In a satirical news piece, The Onion parody newspaper published an article stating that New York attorneys had filed a class action lawsuit on behalf of the Children of Israel (the Israelites). The suit alleged a breach of the religious covenant between God and his chosen people, and sought $4.2 trillion in punitive and compensatory damages.

Monday, 28 June 2010

DONATION OR COMMITMENT?

Only the blowing of the wind disturbed the silence,i was seated down in a leather brown comfort seat wondering "what might become of me tonight?",i objectively thought today was a new day to try out something new perhaps,i harbored two thoughts in my head at first i imagined 'i would go down the road and meet Desmond my long time friend i had bumped into in face book,now that he told me he was a stone throw away from me,the second idea seemed more than the usual routine i would rather attend a world cup match between Brazil and Chile(not the pepper stuff)
i was weighing down on the significance of either of the two until an something unusual popped up  in my head,my brain split open and my mental faculties raced down memory lane,i remembered pretty well Chaplain Kim's sermon of some days ago.he was with a good sense of humor and whose strength of character was more than  average and he was remarkably good at pulling off a few gigs.he was standing on the podium in front of the christian congregation,mid way between his preaching he started out,digging deep into a story of strong divine relevance
'one day a pig and mother chicken decided to walk down the streets of a certain town,after a few minutes stroll through the town gates and the neighborhood they both realized how deplorable the entire town people were living,they noted with concern how miserable the lives of those young and old were in the old farm town.
with a strong conviction for gratitude,the chicken reasoned
"The town people have been so great to us"
"Grrrrr surely they have been,feeding and taking good care of us"
replied the pig
"How about organizing them a breakfast"
suggested the chicken
"That's a good idea"
retorted the pig
"An egg and a ham breakfast"
The chicken responded
After thoroughly exhausting the idea within himself, piggy called out
"My friend the egg for you is a donation but the ham for me is a total commitment"

Whereas a donation is a gift given to benefit a cause,in today's world it may take various forms, including cash,services,toys and other gifts in kind.
although the scripture says a lot about giving
"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." John 3:16 
When it comes to giving ourselves to the Lord let it be whole hearted.
On the contrary commitment can be related into interaction dominated by obligations and these obligations may be mutual, or self-imposed, or explicitly stated, or commitment refers to the strength of the relationship between us human beings  and Jesus Christ,indeed he has made a commitment to us,
"God demonstrates his own love for us in this while we are still sinners,Christ died for for us." Romans 5:8,NIV
We can learn to begin trusting the lord through commitment.
 "Commit everything you do to God - trust Him to help you do it and He will."Psalm 37:5,TLB
It's necessary that when we commit ourselves to God we should show character.
"But if serving the Lord seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my
household, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15, NIV.
So by now you should have known for sure what to choose when confronted with a difficult option of donation or total commitment.

Sunday, 27 June 2010

WHERE DID THE BIBLE COME FROM?

"The bible is a book about hope,forgiveness,redemption and restoration,it has rightly been proclaimed the greatest book ever written" reads out a line out of a page in one of the many US military Bibles i had come across dubbed
"OPERATION WORSHIP HOLY BIBLE"
For centuries because of the bible scores of people have found life more meaningful while others have turned to it to find answers to life's countless questions.
Unlike the Hollywood manufactured star studded movies of this age whose exhilarating themes need no introduction,the bible begins by telling a  story of how God created the earth and all it's wonders and placed man in their tutelage.
Little known though that the book many helpless,destitute,hopeless and oppressed cling to for a new wave of hope for a seemingly better tomorrow is the fact that the bible was hand written.
The bible which is a collection of 72 books,46 in Old Testament and 27 in New Testament didn't just drop down from heaven one day,nor did it appear suddenly on earth delivered by an angel of God
the Bible was written by people just like you(who is certainly reading from this Blog) and I,with some form of primitive ink and pens probably feathers soaked in dye.
 Those that wrote this book where ordinary people with strength and weakness,
faults,failings,flaws,defects,talents and abilities,virtues and vices and were divinely inspired in a way that has left the world in wonderful amazement.
The bible or biblia in Greek which means the books or library wasn't written  all at once,it is said that about 1500 years  separate the times and moments between the writing of the book of Genesis and the book of Revelation
As a matter of fact just after the death of Moses there existed only five books called the 'Pentateuch' or the first five books(Genesis,Exodus,Leviticus,Numbers and Deuteronomy) and these are by far considered the embryo of the bible.
The bible was originally not written in English,the prominent original language of the Old Testament  being Hebrews and the New Testament Greek
The bible as we have it now was not printed in any language at all until almost 1500years after the birth of Jesus Christ and it's a known fact that after the first fifteen years of Christianity the scriptures were read from a manuscript that probably a catholic monk or friar had laboriously copied unto rolls of parchment or vellum.
 The origin of the Bible is God. It is a historical book that is backed by archeology, and a prophetic book that has lived up to all of its claims thus far. The Bible is God's letter to humanity collected into 72 books written by 40 divinely inspired writers over a period of over 1,500 years. The claim of divine inspiration may seem dramatic (or unrealistic to some), but a careful and honest study of the biblical scriptures will show them to be true,God be with you all you blessed

Wednesday, 23 June 2010

THE NUMBER 77

On June 18 at exactly 8:47 p.m,I made an Argentine national team "La Seleccion" customized jersey with the name CANDIA  inscribed at the back and the number 77 written boldly behind,on my facebook wall http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000592373799 thanks to a 2010 world cup jersey facebook ad http://apps.facebook.com/wcupjersey/ ,and before i knew it at exactly 9 hours and 5 minutes it had generated a comment from one Adia Lawrence
"That jersey no. stands for H H, meaning Hail Hitler, its racist- H is the seventh alphabet. Are u racist?"
This comment interested me so much that i felt leaving the subject of the number 77 un an mentioned about was inappropriate
According to the Wikipedia free encyclopedia the number 77 (seventy-seven) is the natural number following 76 and preceding 78,and that 9x8+5=77,8x9+10-5=77,8x7+10-6x2-60+9+8=77 quite an-interesting mathematics.
The number is a  representation of things in this world,scientifically,mathematically religiously,politically and even in sports
In certain numerological systems based on the English alphabet, the number 77 is associated with Jesus Christ. CHRIST is C=3, H=8, R=18, I=9, S=19, T=20, which added together equal 77. The letters of JESUS equal 74 (number) when added together: J=10, E=5, S=19, U=21, S=19. Thus, JESUS CHRIST 
For those of you who are old enough,During World War II in Sweden at the border with Norway, "77" was used as a Shibboleth (password), because the tricky pronunciation in Swedish made it easy to instantly discern whether the speaker was native Swedish, Norwegian, or German.
In the bible, certainly the best book ever, 77 is the number of times it is necessary to forgive offenses (Mt 18,22)and the generations of Adam to the Christ according to the evangelist of Luke are 77. (Lk 3,23-38)
The iridium, Ir, atomic number 77, is a white metal which the name is a derivative of the Greek word "iris" meaning" rainbow". It is under the sign of the rainbow that God concludes his Alliance between him and the humanity, and the Christian remains in this Alliance if he forgives 77 times the faults of his brothers (Mt 18,22).
The twelfth perfect number, number of which the sum of its dividers gives the same number, contains 77 numbers. Let us mention that the first five perfect numbers are 6, 28, 496, 8128 and 33550336. At the present time we know 24 perfect numbers, the last one being 2^19936 x (2^19937-1). That last number has 12003 numbers. All the known perfect numbers are even and we don't know if there is an odd perfect number.It is believed that,if a such number existed, it would be higher than 1036.
It was no coincidence that of all numbers i chose 77 simply because it works out for me and soon or later when i begin laying soccer for the national team The Cranes, i will probably pick this number 77.

Thursday, 10 June 2010

THE LAW AND THE HEART

How many words does it takes to fall in love or to love somebody,for many of us,it all depends on which words to to tell to the girl listening merrily to what you are telling her(women definitely love to listen to what can make them happy) "I love you","you are pretty","you are the most beautiful lady on earth","I will love you till the sun shines no more or even until lake Victoria dries"-we told this blatant lie while still schooling at St Joseph's college Ombaci.
There's one thing for sure,words have the power to determine our love life,our marriage life,our relationship status and our destiny.
One day i thought if i were a lawyer(they can argumentatively confuse people and they are good with words), i would know surely how to convince a pretty woman without mincing my words,i recited how i would go about it if i had met the woman of my dreams(my perfect formula)
"hello sweetheart here's my heart,i give it to you" and all of a sudden i realized this could be the umpteenth time this was said to her and more so the third time in a week i was certainly going to give my heart to a woman,so i thought carefully,using the last of the conventional wisdom that was left within me,i resolved to twist the phrase around and so i decided i will think like a lawyer and drop the bombshell like the attorneys do,i thought for a while and idea jumped up to the fore of my brains,words flowed from my mouth like a round projecting off the muzzle of a soldiers riffle.
"I hereby give and convey to you all and singular my estate and interests,rights,claims,title claim and advantage of and in said heart together with all it's blood,aorta,ventricles,veins and arteries and all rights,advantages,emotions,feelings and memories with full power to hurt,elate,pride and otherwise love the same or give the same away without the blood,aorta,ventricles,veins and arteries,anything here-in-before or here-in-after or in any deed or deeds and instrument of whatever nature.
with this magic piece i do hope i will be of great appeal to the ladies,WATCH THIS SPACE

Sunday, 6 June 2010

FACEBOOK:THE GREATEST D-INVENTION

The year is 2009,uhm!!!....not really it is January this year actually and i am seated in front of a 17 inch brightly colored CRT monitor completely consumed in it's flattering hue,a dark highly disguised latest fashion American made system unit towering over the top of the desk with a mouse sightly larger than an African long mouthed garden Rat,a keyboard that compares to my primary school teachers typewriter all USB-ed.

I stare aimlessly at the screen,place my entire palms on the  mouse,i cover it with the inner sole of my fingers,i recollect my poise,gather my efforts as i ponder my next move,i wonder to myself,my heart pounds in my chest,my tongue clasps at the roof  of  my mouth,a cold shiver slaps me across the face,anxiety overwhelms me like never before and my gut instincts take to a sudden flight i ceaselessly pose questions to myself, i put my conscious to a test repeatedly,i mobilize  my sinews in a soldierly gaiety,i equip my oblongotta with positive illusions,with a parishioner's zeal my soul takes one big leap and alas!!i am creating a profile on face book for the first time,i pause for a second and wonder what really was at the back of Mark Zukerberg mind(this computer engineering student invented face book) when he churned out this social networking site,it's so addictive that i am actually considering slicing off a few of my work hours to have a little more time probably chatting on face book,adding exciting-all-for-nothing applications on my profile,commenting on my friends walls and photos and above all take turns in between these tasks to admire the good works Mark did.

Many may rush to give Bill Gates a pat on the back for his Microsoft & nerds innovations(do i even know what nerds is anyway),thousand may be beaming with gladness at the marvels of GOGGLES search engine but to me i vehemently disagree,i rather face book is the greatest D-invention and that it's a D-class apart,worth of mention.

One of the grandest inventions this planet has ever witnessed is no doubt the Law of gravity(is it an invention),for others it's the pen(wait a  minute the guys of old times wrote on scrolls with feathers,the oldest cousin of the pens.didn't they?),while some think it's an aircraft but for me face book strikes the chord,none of all these fore mentioned marvels comes close to Zukerberg's work of art,his masterpiece supremo,D- invention classic
So brace your self for some facebooking.


Friday, 28 May 2010

GOD DOESN'T PLAY DICE.

Arguably the greatest scientist to walk the earth in the recent past,Dr Albert Einstein when he coined the adage "God doesn't play dice" he knew pretty well the uniqueness with which he himself was endowed.

The existence of any human,be it in the polar zones,amazon jungles or even the forgotten corridors of the world is all but not luck,nor chance,nor coincidence nor fate but because God willed it and intended it to fulfill his purpose.

Long before the beginning of time God was thinking of you,me and everyone,planned and designed the earth and it's environment to suit us so that we inhabit it.

Your parents may not have planned you,your father might have met mum in high school,either bumped into her at the bus stop or even found her at the ice cream parlour,but God planned all this,he decided your birthday,how long you would live,where you would be born and where you would live,your race or nationality all for a purpose,indeed God knew your parents had the DNA,genetic makeup to create just you and nothing else.

The uniqueness of personality with which God created you,customizing your body the way he wanted to,deliberately choosing your race,the colour of your skin,hair,eyes,determining the natural talents you would have,was all because God is LOVE,and that he left no detail to chance.

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

EVER WONDER

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Doctor Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters
Why is it that a pizza can get to your house faster than an ambulance.Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
We use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


WHY ARE YOU HERE?

There are countless times this question has been asked,and still no one has arrived at the appropriate answer in relation to English or otherwise,according to a survey carried out by cosmic eyed blue blooded people on humans whose space ship had just landed on mars,humans were asked why they were there,20% said to accomplish a NASA mission,40% to have their names inscribed in the Guinness book of records,15% were invading the planet probably looking for a haven of abode and the rest 3% had no idea absolutely what they were doing there.(am really imagining this,i least expect you to capitalize on it so much,it's fictional)
However according to the marauders map ,a guide book written by Prongs,Padfoot,Wormy and Moony,(if you wouldn't mind,go to the library and borrow this Harry Porter book,period!!)one needs not to ask anyone one why they were there,one only needed to follow a trail and alas!! they could know for sure why someone was there.
If for instance someone pays you a visit and you happen to ask him this question why are you here the host will be considered an unwelcome,everything-to-himself person and it's rather offensive anyway in Africa to be precise to ask someone why they are there especially if they are there-at your home.
why are you here is actually a riddle we once used as a brain teaser in school(St Joseph's college Ombaci) to challenge fellow students and the answer quite often was plainly because i am not anywhere else but here,so if anyone dares to ask you this question
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
your response should be
BECAUSE I AM NOT THERE

Monday, 24 May 2010

AND SO THERE I WAS

There is one thing that gives me enough reason to be wanting to go back to school,to attend a class,not any ordinary class but an O-Level Literature class about this book Miquel Street(wait a minute is it a book or a novel,but is there any difference between the two anyway)
The characters in this west indies neighborhood of Miquel Street had a similar destiny of a seemingly inevitable disillusionment,from funny characters to tense persona,one could not help but to read along as the story unfolded,the teacher himself who lectured us about this book was the funniest in the school(St Josephs College Ombaci) Mr GOGO(read as goggle in latin,is it?) a.k.a Gba gba-this his kakwa nick name has something ineffeble about it that gets me all smiles,his european school master had truble pronoucing it so he choose to spell it like G.B.A G.B.A reading each letter alone.enter the planets funniest men of Miquel Street
MAN MAN was totally insane,some of my school mates thought his name should have been mad man,,imitated Jesus Christ and demande people to crucify him,had the entire town children trail him as he went around strutting his backside,he eat from a trash cans(the lunatics from uganda though eat from those K.C.C gabbage bins none has ever attempted a kaloli,word has it that thge last time a mad man did that he was found lying dead somewhere around the railway line.
POPO,the cabinet maker was a master of disquise,treachery and deception where his second name,theft by tricks is what he earned from,sold you a bed one day and stole it the next only to resell it to any unsuspecting customer.
LAURA,she was an interesting kind,had seven kids with six men,actually it was the man she was living with that managed a double,moreover she was a biolgy teacher
From stinking poverty to careers that never were, Miquel Street was anything but the slums of kampala,the machanic who spent the whole day tryinng to lift the crank shaft of the bed ford lorry an inch to the poet who tried to be Black Wordsworth
If i were to go down memory lane there is plenty to write about about this little street,for fun lovers a little laughter wont hurt at all.....and for me it will do the magic

Saturday, 22 May 2010

IDDI AMIN DADA SPEECHES

I'm certainly young enough to tell Iddi Amin's story but i just like any other Ugandan is well informed about this son of the soil,long before lots of things got known about Uganda,Iddi Amin Dada solely was the only person who could make anyone remember Uganda.however what leaves my brow itching is that lots of jokes have been coined in his name,others insisting that his English was too poor,below are some of the excerpts from one of his famous speeches.


AMIN'S vote of thanks to the Queen of England after the luncheon hosted by the QUEEN

"Mr Queen, Sir, Horrible Ministers, invented guests, ladies under gentlemen.before i undress you let me first remove my stectacles,I thank the Queen very plenty for what he has done to me. I tell you, I have eaten so much that I am now fed up with malicious meal.

Before I continue, I would kindly ask you to open the windows so that the climate may get in plenty. But before I go back I must invert Mr Queen to my country and I can assure you, Mr Queen that when you come, I shall revenge to you. You will eat a full cow and I will work very difficult to make sure that you will come back with a very full stomach.

For now I am sorry that I have just made a short call on you. The next time I will make a long one possible for a full moon. Thank you for letting me undress you in front of all the disgusting people."

AMIN addressing a general assembly in Uganda

"Ladies and Women, my beloved husbands and men in this general assembly I am thank you very difficult for your kind to forgive me this hour to talk about Africa and my country which is in Uganda. First I am Field Marshal Dr Al Haj Idi Amin Dada the life President of my country I am apologised because I have not deaded Archbishop Jamani Luwum when so many people tell me so many questions about him. His death on my behalf was happened with accident which was in the car when he walked with it. So again let me teach that as far as I am knowing and even the two Ministers all Oboth-Ofumbi and Oryema was all of the two deaded in one of that very accident. So I am not mistake you see.

Another words is for the order in my country in Uganda. The Press Newsmen which you can all look them here will wanted to know the law orders of my country. They have enquiring me many questions on because my policemen don't catch people in court while they have just them lost them on the way. No this is not the right yet all of them who are catched by my fellow policemen are removed for court. When the court does not find them good enough and this them with all mistakes beginning from one month to ten years with even above. So we attempt people in court before we die them in prisons and those you understand about them dead are if they travel with care and they don't find control and miss in the bush where they previously dead themself as my men invent their death. Uganda is a peace loving brother country when people enjoy as is they are in another country. This is the true about one country.

Dr Kurt Waldheim you are very beautiful in one of these husbands. I think you are this beauty to look what is going in South Africa and Rhodesia. I am sending two hours to whites as if they choose freedom to African Brothers or you will not blame me and I take a wondering action to blow them.

Lass of that I am thank your lunch which is smelly good. I am again fed up with it and I have admitted to revenge when both of you are invented by Uganda. Thank you very hard an we shall collide everywhere else in internal."

HAPLESS JOB SEEKER'S RESUME

Jackson was a Makerere university graduate of secretarial studies who traversed the entire business district of Kampala looking for a job,however to no vail not until he realized there was a problem with his resume.Ever wondered why your resume or cover letter ends up in the human resource managers trash bin,then be careful to proof your resume and cover letters before you submit them in,this is an example of actual blunders made by job seekers


Dear sir or madam

I am sure you have looked through several resumes with the same information about work experience,education,hobbies and references. I am going to give you any of that stuff or even more.

I would love to interview for position of (insert job title here). If you grant me an interview for (insert job title here),i feel confident you'll see why I'm the right person for the job.my mother delivered me in mulago hospital without anesthesia,so i have an IQ of146 so i can learn anything.

I enjoy working closely with customers and my pleasant demeanor helps them feel confident and relaxed-not afraid.

I realize that my total lack of experience may concern those considering me for employment.But i have integrity,so i will not steal office supplies and take them home.

Please don't regard my 8 former job positions as job hopping. I never once quit a job,they stopped paying me. In my next life i will be professional karaoke dancer, pastor or even a boda boda cyclist but for now I am attacking my resume for you to review i realize that my resume is no longer exemplary thanks to the secretary at the computer printery misplacing my floppy diskette Nevertheless here are my qualifications for you to over look.

Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shortly

Sincerely
hapless job seeker

Friday, 21 May 2010

THE WEIRDEST T-SHIRTS I HAVE EVER SEEN.

It's quite often a stranger wearing a strange outfit,a t-shirt to be precise bypasses you and before you realize it your head turns and you get your feet trip you over,and these below are some of the wordings that come with such clothings.